25

2day nv went 2 sch coz i gt nose bleed in the morning totaly sianz half.. i cant get wat o y i wld nose bleed.. but i feel really weak the whole morning.. then he called.. askin hw me etc.. coz early morning tat idiot mgs me again.. keep tellin me e same thing.. so sick of it.. but i dun bother much ba.. all the while the whole day the mgs i gt frm him was tellin me shifting matter.. coz gonna hv spot check soon.. i was like so rush.. i dun even noe wat to do.. can onli shift the thing to the other rm i guess... haiz.. it juz sux... dunno y tat diot wanna go tel her abt it n ask her to do so.. tat fellow is out to get us i guess.. i juz hate it.. i dunno hw the family will react so i keep quiet frm tellin them.. im worried.. super worried.. as tat day his sis gonna b hm early.. but i'l try to hold her bk if possible.. o else surely gonna hv a fight as the whole family dun welcome her at all.. haiz...

went to wk shortly but it turn out 2 b bad too.. coz after awhile i gt mgs frm him askin if i gt told anyone abt him askin me shifting etc.. juz bcoz tat idiot mgs her to hv a sudden check on me.. wat the hell.. wat's on tat idiot mind.. everything tat idiot did will juz mk ppl tink is me.. which i hate alot coz i nv do it.. i told frenz abt it.. they ask me to tink la.. if ppl wan 2 prove thing surely need to catch red handed one lo.. who will wanna tel the person hey i comin to check on u le n let tat person hv chance to go inform the other person to pack up all the evidence b4 they cum.. i tink thru aso rite lo.. so i told him abt it.. he juz keep quiet.. haiz.. as long as i know it's nt me then ok le... me is too tired to bother.. then when after wk i go eat thing happened again... he called me a few time kinda urgent like tat.. askin me blog thing coz she was told by the idiot to go see.. i was like har? wat's wif my blog again!! tat idiot is still seein my blog? but he told me dun delete as he scared tat she might be testing him to change thing.. inside me i was like wat the hell.. then how.. can i continue to blog? i really dunno.. it juz sux... tis time i gonna blog til fri matter over then i continue.. see hw spot check goes le.. irritating...!

24

early morning i wasnt feelin well.. it juz sux.. plus tat idiot mgs me again.. tellin me dun be dumb etc.. wonder wat the hell tat fellow wan... wat he o she gain by doin it.. really dun understand.. ytday din mgs him much except thanz him 4 the morning call.. then i went off to sch.. halfway tat's when i gt the idiot mgs.. n it really affected me somehw.. i cant get it out of my mind.. it mk me sian to mgs him etc.. i juz went on n slp my way out of the time in sch.. woke up by a call frm his insurance agent.. i was kinda surprised y he called.. then i noe tat he call him but he's outfield so in turn he ask the agent to contact me.. n he actually own the insurance 2 month of payment which inturn lap the insurance.. so hv to pay the amt thru e agent if nt he will nt be insuranced.. poor him.. so i decided to help him since i noe wat to do etc... dun ask y nt the gf do it.. mayb she is wif him nt long so alot of thing stil dunno ba.. anyway dun say le.. i went on to settle it 4 him be sch end n went to meet april shop shop.. bought a few item n even took neoprint.. so fun... lolz.. but poor april still hv to go bk do stock tk.. lolz.. after which i went bk to counter to meet his sis to go bk 2gether lo.. the whole time frm morning til late nite abt 10plus he nv call.. so i thought mayb he dun care o too busy o too busy contact her le.. so i juz let it be... until 11plsu he suddenly call.. i was shocked but at least i noe he is doin well.. but we din tok much as me is still partly affected by tat idiot mgs... he keep tellin me dun be affected etc... juz sianz lo...

23

today got to sch late but was totaly no mood.. ytdy slp really late coz was waitin 4 call.. he too aso nv slp much i guess.. if din hv the morning call i think i wont hv woke up on time. haiz.. sch was boring coz i can onli stay in tat bloody small room.. totaly doin nthing.. haiz... but at least my day start off well.. gt mgs abit b4 it got really busy so i din went on to disturb.. coz i tink it's gonna be a tiring day.. but it mk me smile when i noe he will miss me.. sound silly but i juz feel so.. slack the whole day n mgs annette too.. poor her was so busy wif her wk.. so i went on to slp the whole day while fara n co play com etc.. i juz cant stop feelin tired.. then suddenly it rain heavily.. dunno y.. gt the urge to mgs him so juz gave a casual mgs.. inside me i was tinkin mayb he is too busy to reply.. but i was surprised when he did.. luckily there nv rain if nt he sure will fall sick one.. but i nv went on to disturb him.. i juz ended the mgs fast so in order if he cld hv sum rest.. times passes by slowly as i hv nv been so slack b4.. onli slp n slp.. even fara n co cant stand me.. keep askin me to wake up n tok etc.. but me is too tired la..

sch ended on time.. lolz.. but it's rainin damn heavy.. took my own sweet time to wk place.. lolz.. was doin nthing bt day dream etc.. when suddenly i gt a mgs frm him.. all of a sudden.. ask me to eat sumthing n tk gd care etc.. i was abit blur coz i tink he mgs wrong person.. but he say nv.. was kinda happy but nv really wanna tk tat feelin deep in.. juz a casual reply n i ended it again.. dun dare to say much coz i dunno wat i wld be thinkin again.. after wk his sis came to find me n went to hv dinner wif leon n his campmate.. damn funny bunch of ppl.. but at least they mk me laugh... lolz... he gave me a call b4 i reach the dinner place... askin me hw my day etc.. was a short one coz he goin to slp soon le.. but sumthing juz mk me feel uneasy when he say the car is wif her.. i din say much n juz put dwn the phone.. his sis heard it n say y muz let her drive when the car dun even belong to her plus it's u the one who fight 4 tat car etc.. i juz keep quiet n told her dun tel mum if nt surely gonna get thing worse.. but i noe i cant do anything coz it doesnt mk me hv any rite to do so.. after the dinner we went hm n on the way his sis tok to me abt moving bk thing etc.. i noe til nw i still like confused.. coz i nv did wat i shld.. moving o nt? ah... it juz sux... gonne go slp le.. the same old rm we used to be.. it juz mk me cry...

2204

today was kinda mess up.. i dunno hw to say.. early mornin when i woke up, he's there beside me.. like nthing happened like tat.. but inside me i keep thinkin abt the fri tat he call n scolded me.. n the whole of fri nite he nv came bk.. dunno where he actually went.. sat we go mgs n it get better.. but i tink i shld get a distance n nv bother much.. but at nite was diff again.. suppose to go frenz hse but in the end nv.. went bk to his hse n started to worried will he cum bk coz i dunno hw to face him.. but he did.. was kinda weird.. but i din bother n went to slp.. force myself to slp n indeed i slp thru til this morning..

but morning was nt a gd start coz he once again tink i use his hp to mgs her which i nv coz i was slpin all the time hw to mgs... but he nv bother to listen.. once again i was hurt.. coz i nv wanna mk him dun trust me.. but somehw i did it.. then to mk thing worse tat freak mgs her again abt alot of weird thing.. n of coz once again i was suspected.. he ordered me to pass him my hp n check but i dun wish to.. nt tat me is afraid but another frenz of mine is mgsin me stuff.. but in the end i still gif him.. coz i hate to be suspect n pt finger at.. then onli he believe.. i juz hate it.. to suspect me then say sorry ltr... in the past aso like tat.. in the end onli when thing prove on its own then he will shut up n say sorry.. wat is this i dunno... juz confused.. on my way to wk we mgs abit tellin abt wat is goin etc.. n i get abit better... coz i dun wish to quarrel.. tml he goin outfield soon le.. i shld b nice to him instead coz it wld b hard on him if we stay tat way.. after wk went to get him sum snack bar tat i always buy him when he go 4 long outfield.. but his fav onli left one box.. so bought other favour too.. gt bk hm, we had dinner b4 he set off to meet her up.. day ended like tat.. inside me i was feelin otherwise.. nt relieved instead me is worry tat tat freak will stir up prob n mk me suffer again as other will tink me is the one who doin all tat thing n me is tat freak etc.. i juz hate it.. tired...

totaly sux

was playin com nw wif frenz n their gf.. juz simply sian ba.. i dunno wat to say wat to do.. juz nw was like a idiot to walk ard frm cine to ck tang to orchard mrt station juz to help one to pay off fine.. i cant bear to see charge being imposed on him.. was able to find in time.. but dunno the one wil find out o nt.. but this early noon was like shit.. totaly.. lots of thing happened lots of hurting words out frm both mouth.. but wat is wrong wif us.. i dunno.. juz when i hv went thru all the trouble to prevent him frm charges.. wat i saw on frenzter juz simply sux... went to look at his profile.. he has deleted my testi.. wahoa.. wat a great stab into my heart n leave me bleedin.. i tink she did too much realy too much.. gt the urge to mgs n jzu pour everything out.. but i juz keep to myself.. n tat one can actually do so.. dunno hw to face each other ltr.. juz dunno.. gotta tink thru le ba... really felt like a idiot after doin so many.. dunno y.. juz sux ba... wat i shld do.. i dunno.. but guess it very clear.. coz there's a b*** btw.. so tell me wat i can do.. tel me dun go oversea etc.. to me nw is all nthing.. juz let it be.. let it be...

mking thing worse?

i dunno y. but i feel helpless. there's alot of thing i cant do i cant help. i can juz keep quiet n bleed inside.. crying out inside.. everything changes.. alot of thing tat belong to us is gone frm car to alot of other etc, n soon somemore other thing will b gone.. gone 4ever.. i dunno y one wld hv the heart to change o to delete o to switch thing tat once used to b so impt to him, tat meant alot to us.. i dunno y muz one push the other to this extend to get rid of every single memories of the other party o their memories.. coz i nv did.. i do nag abt it but i juz let it be coz i dun wish to b so bad to force one.. i wld let him keep it if he dun wish to delete but i wont force.. b4 we'r 2gether he's wif another ger.. he kept all the mgs frm her in his hp, he display out the gift she gave him inside his rm, he keep her pic inside his hp n rm. i nv say anything coz it's their memories.. i tink it's their past y muz i do thing til so extreme to ask him keep everything... i noe i wont feel gd when i see it but i wont say.. coz at least nw he is wif me.. this is hw i feel.. i dunno y other cant feel so.. it's their past n i hv no rite to interfere wif it.. this is hw me is feeling.. mayb i dun understand hw the other feel.. i shall juz keep it.. i juz sit there n keep quiet.. juz watch...

i dunno wat i shld do to free one's stress one's trouble one's feelin of being trapped.. im nt gd at it.. but it juz hurt me to see one like tat.. tryin hard to hold on but yet one noe it's impossible.. but i dunno y one wld still wanna do it.. mayb i shld set one free.. but i cant bear to.. it's the cant bear to feelin tat confusing me.. same feelin goes to the other.. fear of regret is lingerin in us.. it juz mk us fear.. fear of alot of thing.. but it lead to no outcome.. wat it lead to.. i tink it can be feel deep inside..

wat goin on..

frenz is askin me y i dun wish to write anymore in the blog.. i told them wat happened they all say it's my privacy my rite to write anything in my blog.. i noe but it juz gt us into more trouble.. i juz wanna say.. this is my blog n wat i wrote here is wat im goin thru.. but yet this onli place 4 me to spoke my feelin is bein restricted.. by who by wat i wont say.. i onli write my feelin..

to me nw.. im still confused.. se bu de is wat cant bear is wat.. i dunno.. to me there's alot of thing i cant bear to let go.. too many n it in turn mk me se bu de.. but wat's the other person se bu de mean? i dunno.. frenz gif me lots of diff tinkin.. gt gd n bad.. but wat's really on the other mind is wat it matters the most.. in the past i nv thought a guy wld cry 4 me coz i dun feel i hv the ability to mk one do so.. but somehw me is wrong.. coz of tt matter it prove me wrong.. the pain is unbearable when one cry 4 u.. it's like the pain wil b wif u 4ever.. to see e one cry.. women's tear is precious but i feel it has nthing to be compare to e one's tears.. say me naive say me silly.. but i juz cant tk tat pic off my mind... i noe it's gonna be wif me 4ever. i gt nthing to say.. totally... juz at my heart is bleedin non stop.. totally non stop...

dun wan o wan..

was tokin to frenz abt wat hapened in the morning.. they all juz shake the head n tel me to tink... i has been tinking n really disappointed... but there's something tat is trappin us ba.. i dunno wat n i dunno y.. wat's goin on btw us i wont say anymore.. dun wish to hv more trouble.. every little secret will be kept.. every little feelin of mine will b kept...

wan o dun wan...

super tired of ppl who can do so many thing at a go.. today was a busy day.. totaly.. n my feelin was kinda unstable due to some mgs i gt in the morning.. leavin me in confusion... wonder wat one is tinking.. hangin there is nv a gd feeling.. totaly... it juz so sianz... happily pull u bk o let u go when the mood was nt gd.. confusion is wat one is giving me.. if happy wif the life then get on n dun bother... but y juz cant... juz totaly cant...

tired...

i wish i can blog freely.. n nt being restricted.. haiz.. i juz dun get it.. morning i was feelin pain at my hip area b4 it spread to my whole lower body... nearly gt a shock.. thought wat happened.. but after a while it's ok le.. tink mayb i too tense up le ba..

juz finish bathing n waitin 4 his sis to cfm wif me the dinner.. meanwhile i was planning wat to get 4 .. but still dunno la.. dunno wat he need... shall slowly tink ba.. tired..

Avant LyricsWanna Be Close

[Verse 1:]Oooo I wanna be girl let me be
I wanna be everythin your man's not
And I'm gonna give you
everytime little thing I got
Cause you are more than a man needs
That's why I say you're truly my destiny
I'm gonna get cha
If it takes until forever
No you don't feel me
if forever turns into never
I'll let you know my love
is just as strong
And for you never just ain't that long (ohh TK)

[Hook 1:]I wanna be the smile
you put on your face
I wanna be your hands
when you say your grace
I wanna be whatever
is your favorite place, oh
I just wanna be close
I wanna be the hat you put on your head
I wanna be the sheets
you put on your bed
I wanna be the skirt
wrapped around your legs
Oh, I just wanna be close

[Verse 2:]And even if the day turns into night
I will love you by candlelight
And even if he water starts to run over
I'll be there to put you on my shoulder
And if it's hard for you to get to sleep
I will sing you a melody,
I wanna feel this way
Till the end of time, cause I pray one day
That you will be mine

[Hook 1:]I wanna be the smile
you put on your face
I wanna be your hands
when you say your grace
I wanna be whatever
is your favorite place, oh
I just wanna be close
I wanna be the hat you put on your head
I wanna be the sheets
you put on your bed
I wanna be the skirt
wrapped around your legs
Oh, I just wanna be close

[Verse 3:]See my life's filled with up and downs
I'm ok when you're around
And when I'm in a storm
and my nights are cold
Reach out your hands for me to hold
See you're my queen on a throne
and you're the reason
For a song and I can't wait
to fill you up with love
Fill you with love

[Hook 2:]I wanna be the sun,your stars, your moon
I wanna be a hot summer day in June
I wanna be the smell
of your sweet perfume
I just wanna be close
I wanna be the seed
That bare your life brand new
I wanna be the one
that's so faithful and true
I wanna be the man down that aisle
in that suit, yes
I just wanna be close (ohhh TK)

15/03

juz came bk frm movie.. watched stomp on the yard wif frenz.. finaly had the time to go watch le.. i was waiting 4 the frenz 4 so long lo..but gt a small incident b4 we go out so was kinda delay..
the show was damn nice.. but most impt is who acc me.. planned to go out 4 quite long le but due to alot of causes so cancel once n once again... n reduce to onli watch movie.. but still me is happy... i hv learn n realise i gt to push myself over this misery.. coz if nt i dunno hw.. seriously.. haiz... but seein him stuck btw i aso sianz... but keep quiet lo... coz it's all due to me..

dayz..

has been feelin sick for the past few dayz.. dun ask me y but i juz dunno.. juz dun feel well... has been slpin non stop sia.. woke up in the noon to prepare go out when i saw i gt a frenster mgs.. came frm my sweetie wendy.. tellin me sorry tat she realise my prob onli juz.. i was ok wif it coz i dun intend to let anyone know.. no pt go ard tellin other.. wat they can do? the most they can console u o help u scold tat ger is a bitch etc... but still i hv to overcome on my own...

went to SIM 2day to help him enquiry his enrolment.. dun ask me y me is still helpin him.. but i juz wanna do so ba.. coz he ask me 4 help.. so i juz help lo.. dun ask me y he nv ask tat ger help coz i dunno.. me is nt him.. anyway was there nearly half a day b4 i went to jp to meet up wif his sis.. his sis was askin to acc her walk walk wif his mum... so ok lo.. juz go lo.. normal shoppin day.. but i feel abit heavy inside.. dunno y me is feelin so.. but i juz wanna break the ties away ba.. b4 i hurt him too much... walk ard b4 we head hm n bought him sum snack... coz i scared he havent eat... the feelin nw is even more heavier.. even moore stone... haiz...

he went out shortly.. i know where he is goin but keep quiet ba.. wat to do.. juz dun interfere ba... continue my stay b4 i came in to blog.. wonder wat time he will be bk.. waitin n waiting.. update ltr...

is it due to me? my wrong?

was thinkin abt alot of thing. i noe me has been a big cause to his pressure.. his family side etc.. i noe the family side has been a big pressure on him.. n he's nt happy when he came bk.. as he feel pressure plus like no one wanna tok to him.. i dunno hw to help him, onli can keep tryin to smoothen down his family feelin on this matter.. i dun wish to see him sad over it etc.. coz i know it's all due to me.. it juz sux.. totaly.. i can see tt his sis seldom tok to him le, his mum was still ok but aso spoken less... i dunno wat wrong i dunno wat to do.. really...

tell me wat i shld do? i really dunno.. is it all my wrong coz my bond wif them is too strong? is it due to me tat lead him into misery.. i really dunno... confused... i wanna help him.. really..

sux... 13th..

early morning suppose to go to wk but cant mk it.. due to the terible headache tt i gt.. dunno y.. it juz strain my mind so much n so pain til i cant tk it.. totally sux... so went bk to slp after tkin sum panadol.. slp thru out lo.. keep tossin in the bed... juz miss him ba.. bed is full of his smell but i cant get to touch him... it juz hurts...

dun feel like eating anything until his mum force me to eat.. she packed sum food 4 me.. juz scared tat i nv eat again.. haiz. i used 2 be very greedy pig but nw i totally dun feel like eating.. haiz.. help dad to clear the store n realise his dad gt alot of metal box stuffed of proms... etc... help him do sum wk b4 my head start to spin again.. it juz mk me sick.. took a short nap at the sofa when goofy came bk n slp beside me.. he's so cute... gonna miss him alot.. coz he's the 1st dog tat i get used to de as im afraid of dog one.. hee... he wiggle his tail n walk ard like nthing to do like tat.. so funny.. promise to tk him 4 a walk ltr... hee... my mind still very strain.. super ah... cant tk it.. it's juz so pain... haiz... gt alot of msg 2day.. askin me ok le ma etc.. haiz.. hw to b ok.. went bk to rm.. look at the surrounding again i cried.. so many of our memories.. the painted wall the cupboard the bed etc.. his mum came in n ask hw me le.. really decided to move le ah.. i say ya shld be.. no choice ba.. his mum say dun worry i wont let tat ger cum in n tk over this rm de... afterall it's all ur effort n tat ger din do anthing.. i keep quiet juz smile.. dun wanna say more n do more if nt more prob... haiz...

nw in rm resting n came to blog.. gonna go tk a rest again.. my mind is spinning.. waiting 4 his reply n hope he cum bk early ba.. tat's all..

wat the.....

haiz. juz hate it when thing get to stir up due to my blog.. wat's wrong wif tat? cant i write wat i wan? wat the hell... haiz.. coz if she really mean wat she say she wont cum n look at my blog n start to kick up a fuss..

i hv try to gif in n try to get abit better... but y muz cum in n stir up my life again.. i juz dun understand... truly dun... 2day life juz sux..

b4 go wk, his mum came to tok to me.. abt alot of thing... tellin me she juz dun like tat ger no matter hw hard i hv try askin her to try etc.. she juz tel me y i muz help tat ger.. i said it's nt the sake 4 tat ger but the sake 4 him.. she ask y muz i keep thinkin 4 him when he nv tink 4 me.. i said it's diff.. coz i know he's trapped inside btw family n the ger.. his mum dun like the ger n dun allow him to bring hm etc.. his sis stop tokin to him due to me n said she wont tok to tat ger also etc.. i too feel the pressure.. plus one more thing coz i noe his mum is feelin lonely when she seldom c him at hm anymore n mk her feel she'd losin a son soon.. i dun wan his mum to feel so neither wan him to mk her feel so.. so i ask her to accept tat ger which will be better.. but she say no.. totally no.. she wont wanna c tat ger at all etc.. i juz keep quiet.. then she said u fought so hard 4 him to mk me get the car 4 him n nw lei? he's using tat car to drive other ger etc.. n so wat if u tink she can help him wif all the car thing.. i dun need her help ok, she is a nobody to me lo.. i wont tk her as my son gf at all de.. she tink wat nw, ppl gt car to drive her ard den very hao lian is it.. wat is this.. i keep quiet as i nv wanna say tat the whole car is full of her thing as it'l onli mk the mum more angry.. tat ger shld noe she is nt rite to get into u 2 then y she wanna do so.. wat is this kinda ger lei? n coz my son easily listen to gerz so she can control him is it? i said i dunno... diff ppl diff view ba.. juz dun tk it to heart lo.. mum juz continue sayin tat she feel like scoldin tat ger n ask tat ger to get out of her son life etc, i stopped her coz i dun wish her to hv a bad relation wif him due to me.. thing like gettin worse n worse.. totally.. hw to save it... i really dunno... then the mum add in.. i nv felt so much 4 any of his gf b4 beside u.. coz i alrdy treat u like my own child le.. i nearly cried when she said tat.. this the 2nd time she told me this.. she said she cried when she know abt our matter n when i decided to move out.. i feel so guilty really... i dunno y but it juz came by me.. i wanna break away frm his family but i cant.. coz his sis onli confront to me when she's in trouble o doubt, his mum is always needin someone to help her wif her family matter as in managin n tkin care plus her health nt tat gd too n his dad wld ask me help in some errand o language help.. it's the bond tat i se bu de.. n it's the luv i had 4 him tat i se bu de.. so tel me.. hw to leave? hw to be heartless? i really dunno.. call me weakling 4 nt able to move on, call me slut 4 clinging onto him, call me anything tat u all wan.. coz u all wont understand wat im goin thru.. coz U R NT ME!!!

wat is this.. wat is goin on.. who's rite... who's wrong... i dunno... i dun wan anymore trouble.. i juz wanna see the light... i juz wanna had my luv life smooth n sound... i wan no trouble....

day of wonders..

woke up real early today. coz gotta go 4 meetin 4 the proj.. thought me is late coz i still in cab when it's alrdy 5 min b4 10.. but guess wat... me is the 1st.. haa.. but wasnt a gd thing la.. gotta help arrange chair... -_-'''' today meeting is short.. onli awhile then go le.. try to laugh n joke ard.. but still when me is alone on the way bk, my mood juz sink... thought the bus journey was long but it isnt.. today like everything seem so reverse kind.. aiyo...

wanna meet him 4 lunch coz he has course at nearby but cant mk it as he gotta go bk camp lo.. i was in abit of doubt coz mayb he dun wish to eat wif me o gt other reason ba.. but soon i forgo the thought coz i gt no rite to think so anymore.. wannna go straight to the temple to 'huan yuan' but in the end took all the way bk.. dunno y.. but i feel like mayb no more chance to tk this bus bk le ba.. plus my face damn pale.. haiz.. gt bk n start to mk up while his sis prepare.. but ended up too late so put aeroplane on leon... din acc him to BBDC.. coz we wanna enrol ma.. decided to learn drivin le.. coz feel like doin so n kinda wanna filful wat i promise ba.. nv gt a chance to drive reddie.. abit wasted ba.. anyway.. i'l get my own reddie if passed.. so took auto is the best ba..

all the while til late evening 4 plus 5 then left hm.. coz gotta run errand 4 his dad n mum.. took a cab to the temple n was hopin it havent close.. luckily didnt.. i dunno hw to do the ritual so seek help but in the end the uncle say dialect which i dun understand onli manage to figure one o two word lo.. so roughly roughly ba.. coz gt the heart surely no prob ba.. plus i really dunno hw to pray.. after return , took a new one. hope it'l bring me better luck ba.. since this ended then i shall juz wait le ba.. coz b4 we 2gether i came b4 but din manage to go bk n return when it happened.. until nw.. but i no longer will 4get.. coz it's respect ba.. since it did came true so hv to stick to my word.

after which we went to wisma walk walk.. bought him some tops etc.. n went to walk ard.. abit tired.. dunno y.. mayb he's nt ard ba.. juz dunno y.. cant figure out.. haiz.. anyway gonna go spend time alone as his sis gotta meet frenz while using my name n tel his mum we'r goin out.. so i hv to stay out til she went hm lo.. asked who can acc me etc.. but no one sia.. haiz.. ke lian ah ke lian.. but in the end chris came.. lolz. luckily gt him.. bt b4 tat saw cousin anne at mango.. she gt a new bf wor.. n askin me hw thing goes le.. i juz say as usual.. she juz say tk care ah while shaking her head.. haiz.. i know u all concern abt me but i'l b ok.. dun worry ba.. went to cine meet chris n poh yee.. went to jap store n chat til quite late.. thru out i gt mgs him bt he nv reply.. so i stop awhile every nw n then to send him msg.. nv reply.. expected.. anyway we chatted all the way til his sis went off le n we shifted to HK cafe.. chatted again.. alot alot of thing.. non stop n realise hw we hv changed.. haiz.. n saw my cousin san xuan sia.. gosh.. met the both sis in one day.. but we sat awhile then left le..

took a cab hm.. inside cab, i start to worry abt him.. wonder is he ok.. wld he fall aslp... but dun dare to call.. hopin he's ok lo.. haiz.. mind n soul n heart is flying everywhere... gt hm n mgs him again... finally he call bk.. glad tt he's fine.. but aso abit sian coz he send her hm.. haiz.. funy me.. y wanna bother tat.. dunno ba.. i still luv him.. dis cant be deny..

there's a few song tat suit my feelin nw.. but this juz mk me cry..

The rain, just never seems to bring
the joy, I feel the same
everlasting pain of my loss remains
My heart, can't seem to learn to part
the hold you left the mark
all that I dreamed of now it seems so stark
Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in
If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you
If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes and ya know,
I'd never let you go
The way, you left me on the train
I don't know what to sayI remember everything on that day
I can't believe we'd never dance
I just need one more chance
to share the sunset our one last romance
Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in
If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you
If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes and ya know,
I'd never let you go

silly? i juz luv him too much..

knowin tat tere's no way bk.. he's nt comin bk anymore.. but i still hopin.. hope tat he cld turn ard n look at me.. n return to me.. but wat im doin nw is juz dreamin 4 tat 2 happened.. whenever i c him, he's like so near yet so far.. nthing can b done.. but hope again.. guess me is really misery tiny soul.. cant lift my head up ba.. dunno y..

still me is tinkin of him, worryin abt him, concern abt him.. but is he doin so? i dun tink so ba.. he nv msg me nv call etc.. thing juz stopped.. all of a sudden.. juz so uneasy.. juz so weird.. juz so hurting.. juz so miserable.. his mum n sis keep askin me 2 cheer up askin me to find a better man.. but i juz cant.. everyone tink i gt no wrong.. but i tink i do.. when im given the chance i nv mk full use of it.. to filful wat i promise him n relief him frm the pressure he gt.. i did none of the above.. ppl has been tokin non stop abt us.. i noe abt it but i nv really wanna mind.. but i nv expect him to mind so much.. o mayb i expected him to but i nv do anything.. ppl has been sayin tat y he's wif me, due to wat, due to money o wat.. they'r nt compatible.. they'r so diff.. they'r like 2 diff world of ppl.. n yes it's true.. but i thought by lovin each other deeply we'l overcum it.. but we nv.. he's under this pressure too much le.. too much til he wanna break free.. so if i were to resolve this prob it cld be better.. he once said by mkin myself pretty is nt onli benefit our relation at the same time benefit me.. but i nv practice wat i promise him to.. so if i had wk harder to slim dwn, to cut down the tongue wigglin.. mayb we wont hv parted.. myb other party wont hv got in.. but it's too late.. i'l always rem him tellin me tat it's too late when we confront each other.. the xpression on his face is full of disappointment full of unbearable... even he say he still luv me so bt sometin in him mk him move away.. tink is the pressure ba..

so tel me.. aint me in the wrong too.. im in the wrong 4 nt understandin him.. in the wrong 4 nt sparing another thought 4 him.. in the wrong of nt able to lighten his pressure.. in the wrong of being too selfish.. so cant blame him totally.. he's nw livin hapily then let him be.. dun mk his life difficult anymore..

my life wont b tat easy i guess.. still in misery but i dun wish to show to anyone esp him.. i need tons n tons of time, tons n tons of tear to move on.. everyday i hv been cryin even til nw.. while writting my tear juz flow.. the hurt is there n still feelin pain.. i told myself many time tat he's happy wif e ger nw y u still care abt him cry 4 him.. coz he nv know.. but i cant find an ans.. i juz know i still luv him so.. still luv him like the past still wan him bk still hopin.. but i noe i cant get any o force any.. so i took it all dwn my soul deep into my heart.. feelin tired.. but i cant slp.. wanna juz cry til i cant feel any pain but it seem like nv ending.. pain is unbearable.. totally...

tired..

trying to fix up my blog.. but dunno y i keep cant do it.. it sux.. wanna go slp le.. tired...