parting..

hasnt blog since a week o so?? i guess so.. recently.. so many thing happened ard.. n it juz goes in round n round n ended up wif sadness..



last fri gt a few gd news.. tat's my beloved double c clan's member, missy cheapo soh aka gao lak aka hao lei lei and missy pam the man aka hao lu lu is promoted to in charge~~!! so happy 4 them.. coz they really wk damn hard la 4 the company.. but im sad la.. coz one go scotts one go wisma which mean no one is there to tok cock sing song wif me le.. except miss hao baba.. haiz.. im gonna miss them so so so much...



anyway.. met up wif wendy at citylink had dinner.. n we went walk walk... i noe her feelin not tat well was hopin she get better.. we ended up at indo 4 a drink.. but after a call she was so low tat she is drunk.. saw her like tat seem to be like lookin at myself when ken leave me last yr.. cryin infront of sheng's campmate after a few drink n shockin the other that a ger seem so strong cld cry so easily over a man etc.. wendy seem to b like the same old me.. but she is lucky.. coz the man she luv did luv her as much too... i dunno ken did o nt... o mayb he did but nt that deep at all i guess.. i dunno hw to really console her coz im stil nt up to tat yet.. but i noe i cld lend her a shoulder to cry on.. coz jenny n april did tat when i needed one the most include my buddy.. seein the strong strong wendy so low, it kinda hurts me.. coz i noe it's very pain as i went thru b4 n juz like as much as she wan me to b happy n nt being hurt, the same thought applies to me too.. hope thing wil get better 4 her after all the toks etc.. i wish she cld see the sunshine after the rain.. silly ger... i will b there 4 u.. dun worry...



sat.. whole day i cant get wendy.. so on off i sent her mgs etc.. but finally noe she is sortin out her thoughts etc, i juz left her alone.. had dinner wif dawn yen xiu n double c clan at cine.. luv the moment coz it's been so long tat i get to chill n gather wif frenz after the break up.. after which i went over to powerhouse to find jenny etc.. n there is my beloved mama cryin.. she's low too.. haiz.. cant do much but juz let her go hv fun..



n finally sun... after steamboat n pubbin, im bk here at blog.. lolz.. i juz feel y my frenz is all facin the low low mood... really hate it... i wan them to b happy.. carry on their life happily.. but it seem so hard.. stop torturin my frenz..

wat a dayz..

14/3 juz passed.. but alrdy i face pain inside me once again.. the pain to see them walk pass u hand in hand happily n there's nthing u can do.. juz watch n feel the pain.. juz when i thought i cld juz tk the 1st step to go out of my normal clubbin rountine.. to juz switch to chillin at cine.. thing juz collapse.. they juz walk pass me when i was happily tokin to frenz.. immediately im fall bk to sq one.. once again.. i lost to myself.. say im coward say im weak o wat.. i juz dun care coz im the one who's goin thru tis pain.. n onli me noe hw it feel..

totally lost of words.. can onli went bk hm wif a heavy bag of pain.. nearly cry out... but i decided nt to.. frenz ard n i dun wanna worry them.. once i gt hm... im blank.. mgs flows in frm frenz.. thanz 4 the concern... i noe onli i can help myself... but u all mk my day diff too..

times n times again.. i wonder will i get over n move on.. but i guess im nt.. i nv wanna c them coz im afraid.. afraid of wat.. i tink i wasnt sure.. mayb scared to c them happily 2gether etc i gues.. too much guessin.. plus im tired... i wish to wash him out of my mind.. but it nv..

sick sick sick.. wat i gotta do......................

been awhile.. 14/3....

it has been awhile since i came online to blog... dunno y i stop but guess i noe y i gonna start soon.. coz wendy sim somehw remind me tat i gt a blog to maintain i guess.. lolz..

anyway... today is a long long day.. a day tat happened in every yr tat mk my emotion run wild.. 4 the past few yr o so it's a day i look 4ward to.. but 2day at tis pt of time i dun.. hate the blue blue feelin.. hate to tink of him again... every 14th is a miserable day... but i cant put on the bluey face.. gotta force myself to smile.. to smile at my foolishness n move on... went to sch 4 exam but the bus journey mk me sink into deep thought.. cant concentrate on wat me is readin cant tink of anything.. in a blink of eye the exam is finish.. dunno where to go.. abit lost.. but decided to go find jenny.. luckily she is there 2 acc me eat tok to me.. once again.. blue blue has gone.. but not long ago.. it juz came bk to say hi to me again le.. sianz...

so here m i.. cant slp n bloggin all my way.. haiz.. haiz..

updatz..

ok wendy sim.. i hv updates my blog.. updates updates.. lolz..

haiz..

finally decided to change my blog add coz i cant afford to let any stupid to look at wat i wrote n ruin my life again... it juz simply sux..

has been studyin like mad recently.. acc is really tough... but luckily gt frenz help.. went to his hse 4 the past few dayz to study 4 acc.. damnz... it's so hard... harder than i expected.. but anyway... hope i can mk it ba... frenz aso study like damn hard too... mayb gotta teach me ba.. lame...~~! hee...

i dunno is it gd to keep in this way.. o i shld do something abt it.. but still i dunno ba.. too lazy to tink.. anyway to alot of ppl me is lazy ma.. so y bother.. lolz...

feelin very sick recently.. damn sick.. damn sick.. runing nose etc.. all is comin 2ward me sia.. irritating..

wala

some ppl juz sux.. mk my life sux too.. gt nthing frm noein coz it's kept.. zip it up n eventually noe nthing.. way to mk it better.. jz b simple..

duhz...

has been hearin n seein couple wif prob couple who is loving etc.. but y sum juz wld stil quarrel over the ex.. u alrdy tk over everything wat's there to ask? mayb u'r nt the onli facin prob other cld b doin so.. i dunno wat couple cld b tinkin etc.. it's so hard to get thru the thought.. even mk me tink is the present gf nt treatin him well etc tat's y he wld say it's his retribution 4 nt treatin the ex well etc.. it juz get me confused totaly.. y m i knowin all tis.. y m i seein all this again.. it juz sux.. coz it's so late to realise abt hw u treated me.. o all along u knew it..

went shop shop the last few dayz wif xiu n yen.. they r so funny la.. anything anything de.. but we din buy anything much o rather me din buy much coz they'r the one buyin alot lo.. me onli bought tops 4 frenz n a small clutch.. den rush all the way bk to JW to see the skin doc wif xiu.. in the end e doc nt ard.. sianz half la.. she keep askin me to go bk her hse bt i tink better nt.. coz nt nice.. wait more trouble.. anyhw reject her, luckily she nv say much.. she is one little devil la.. ask her pass thing she tink of evil thing.. dunno wat's in her mind sometime.. but i noe she wont de.. coz she understand hw thing cld turn ugly.. took a long long bus journey hm.. n mk me really miss the times.. the times when i wasnt like this... tink too much...

boring..

life seem so plain at times.. has been hangin out wif frenz to drink watch movie etc.. but cant swipe the thought of him away. it juz sux.. recently my blog has been goin abit siao siao.. gt changes in setting n nearly gt me into trouble.. shitty..

haiz...

sometime i dun wish thing to get worse but it did.. y thing seem ok 4 the past few dayz then nw it get like tat.. juz bcoz i nv follow the rule? o it's my own doin.. but i nv wanna go to the extend to create trouble.. i juz wan a peaceful life.. i hate it.. juz hate it..

dayz..

the past few days was ok.. gettin abit better here n there.. nt bcoz i hv move on etc coz i noe i havent.. but juz some stuff tat brighten up my dayz.. at least nw nt so harsh le.. i hope to b better but i tink it tk times.. dun wanna rush it coz scared i'll fall.. went to look at my source of happiness, still the same.. has been doin silly thing recently.. silly as in the gd way nt being hurtin to myelf etc.. everyday b4 i go out, i wld peek into the fridge n look at the cakes.. then i will feel happy le.. even though the cake has been there 4 dayz even though it's juz a cake.. but it's something to me.. ppl might nt understand.. but i do.. onli hope thing get better.. tat's all.. gonna go rest..

after so long..

so long so long le.. i dunno wat im doin recently.. m i movin on? o m i nt? i dunno.. guess im stuck.. he seem so shag when he came bk.. i dunno y i juz feel so.. he seem so tired so many prob like tat.. haiz.. wat to do.. wat i can do 4 him i dunno... is e ger tkin gd care of him i dunno.. i juz feel very tired everyday juz wanna slp n slp.. tat's all.. tossin ard in his bed i cant get to slp.. went hm? i dunno.. confused... his dog juz went thru an op.. gonna bring him go see vet again tml.. poor him... hopefully his eyes get better ba... goin to slp..

25

2day nv went 2 sch coz i gt nose bleed in the morning totaly sianz half.. i cant get wat o y i wld nose bleed.. but i feel really weak the whole morning.. then he called.. askin hw me etc.. coz early morning tat idiot mgs me again.. keep tellin me e same thing.. so sick of it.. but i dun bother much ba.. all the while the whole day the mgs i gt frm him was tellin me shifting matter.. coz gonna hv spot check soon.. i was like so rush.. i dun even noe wat to do.. can onli shift the thing to the other rm i guess... haiz.. it juz sux... dunno y tat diot wanna go tel her abt it n ask her to do so.. tat fellow is out to get us i guess.. i juz hate it.. i dunno hw the family will react so i keep quiet frm tellin them.. im worried.. super worried.. as tat day his sis gonna b hm early.. but i'l try to hold her bk if possible.. o else surely gonna hv a fight as the whole family dun welcome her at all.. haiz...

went to wk shortly but it turn out 2 b bad too.. coz after awhile i gt mgs frm him askin if i gt told anyone abt him askin me shifting etc.. juz bcoz tat idiot mgs her to hv a sudden check on me.. wat the hell.. wat's on tat idiot mind.. everything tat idiot did will juz mk ppl tink is me.. which i hate alot coz i nv do it.. i told frenz abt it.. they ask me to tink la.. if ppl wan 2 prove thing surely need to catch red handed one lo.. who will wanna tel the person hey i comin to check on u le n let tat person hv chance to go inform the other person to pack up all the evidence b4 they cum.. i tink thru aso rite lo.. so i told him abt it.. he juz keep quiet.. haiz.. as long as i know it's nt me then ok le... me is too tired to bother.. then when after wk i go eat thing happened again... he called me a few time kinda urgent like tat.. askin me blog thing coz she was told by the idiot to go see.. i was like har? wat's wif my blog again!! tat idiot is still seein my blog? but he told me dun delete as he scared tat she might be testing him to change thing.. inside me i was like wat the hell.. then how.. can i continue to blog? i really dunno.. it juz sux... tis time i gonna blog til fri matter over then i continue.. see hw spot check goes le.. irritating...!

24

early morning i wasnt feelin well.. it juz sux.. plus tat idiot mgs me again.. tellin me dun be dumb etc.. wonder wat the hell tat fellow wan... wat he o she gain by doin it.. really dun understand.. ytday din mgs him much except thanz him 4 the morning call.. then i went off to sch.. halfway tat's when i gt the idiot mgs.. n it really affected me somehw.. i cant get it out of my mind.. it mk me sian to mgs him etc.. i juz went on n slp my way out of the time in sch.. woke up by a call frm his insurance agent.. i was kinda surprised y he called.. then i noe tat he call him but he's outfield so in turn he ask the agent to contact me.. n he actually own the insurance 2 month of payment which inturn lap the insurance.. so hv to pay the amt thru e agent if nt he will nt be insuranced.. poor him.. so i decided to help him since i noe wat to do etc... dun ask y nt the gf do it.. mayb she is wif him nt long so alot of thing stil dunno ba.. anyway dun say le.. i went on to settle it 4 him be sch end n went to meet april shop shop.. bought a few item n even took neoprint.. so fun... lolz.. but poor april still hv to go bk do stock tk.. lolz.. after which i went bk to counter to meet his sis to go bk 2gether lo.. the whole time frm morning til late nite abt 10plus he nv call.. so i thought mayb he dun care o too busy o too busy contact her le.. so i juz let it be... until 11plsu he suddenly call.. i was shocked but at least i noe he is doin well.. but we din tok much as me is still partly affected by tat idiot mgs... he keep tellin me dun be affected etc... juz sianz lo...

23

today got to sch late but was totaly no mood.. ytdy slp really late coz was waitin 4 call.. he too aso nv slp much i guess.. if din hv the morning call i think i wont hv woke up on time. haiz.. sch was boring coz i can onli stay in tat bloody small room.. totaly doin nthing.. haiz... but at least my day start off well.. gt mgs abit b4 it got really busy so i din went on to disturb.. coz i tink it's gonna be a tiring day.. but it mk me smile when i noe he will miss me.. sound silly but i juz feel so.. slack the whole day n mgs annette too.. poor her was so busy wif her wk.. so i went on to slp the whole day while fara n co play com etc.. i juz cant stop feelin tired.. then suddenly it rain heavily.. dunno y.. gt the urge to mgs him so juz gave a casual mgs.. inside me i was tinkin mayb he is too busy to reply.. but i was surprised when he did.. luckily there nv rain if nt he sure will fall sick one.. but i nv went on to disturb him.. i juz ended the mgs fast so in order if he cld hv sum rest.. times passes by slowly as i hv nv been so slack b4.. onli slp n slp.. even fara n co cant stand me.. keep askin me to wake up n tok etc.. but me is too tired la..

sch ended on time.. lolz.. but it's rainin damn heavy.. took my own sweet time to wk place.. lolz.. was doin nthing bt day dream etc.. when suddenly i gt a mgs frm him.. all of a sudden.. ask me to eat sumthing n tk gd care etc.. i was abit blur coz i tink he mgs wrong person.. but he say nv.. was kinda happy but nv really wanna tk tat feelin deep in.. juz a casual reply n i ended it again.. dun dare to say much coz i dunno wat i wld be thinkin again.. after wk his sis came to find me n went to hv dinner wif leon n his campmate.. damn funny bunch of ppl.. but at least they mk me laugh... lolz... he gave me a call b4 i reach the dinner place... askin me hw my day etc.. was a short one coz he goin to slp soon le.. but sumthing juz mk me feel uneasy when he say the car is wif her.. i din say much n juz put dwn the phone.. his sis heard it n say y muz let her drive when the car dun even belong to her plus it's u the one who fight 4 tat car etc.. i juz keep quiet n told her dun tel mum if nt surely gonna get thing worse.. but i noe i cant do anything coz it doesnt mk me hv any rite to do so.. after the dinner we went hm n on the way his sis tok to me abt moving bk thing etc.. i noe til nw i still like confused.. coz i nv did wat i shld.. moving o nt? ah... it juz sux... gonne go slp le.. the same old rm we used to be.. it juz mk me cry...

2204

today was kinda mess up.. i dunno hw to say.. early mornin when i woke up, he's there beside me.. like nthing happened like tat.. but inside me i keep thinkin abt the fri tat he call n scolded me.. n the whole of fri nite he nv came bk.. dunno where he actually went.. sat we go mgs n it get better.. but i tink i shld get a distance n nv bother much.. but at nite was diff again.. suppose to go frenz hse but in the end nv.. went bk to his hse n started to worried will he cum bk coz i dunno hw to face him.. but he did.. was kinda weird.. but i din bother n went to slp.. force myself to slp n indeed i slp thru til this morning..

but morning was nt a gd start coz he once again tink i use his hp to mgs her which i nv coz i was slpin all the time hw to mgs... but he nv bother to listen.. once again i was hurt.. coz i nv wanna mk him dun trust me.. but somehw i did it.. then to mk thing worse tat freak mgs her again abt alot of weird thing.. n of coz once again i was suspected.. he ordered me to pass him my hp n check but i dun wish to.. nt tat me is afraid but another frenz of mine is mgsin me stuff.. but in the end i still gif him.. coz i hate to be suspect n pt finger at.. then onli he believe.. i juz hate it.. to suspect me then say sorry ltr... in the past aso like tat.. in the end onli when thing prove on its own then he will shut up n say sorry.. wat is this i dunno... juz confused.. on my way to wk we mgs abit tellin abt wat is goin etc.. n i get abit better... coz i dun wish to quarrel.. tml he goin outfield soon le.. i shld b nice to him instead coz it wld b hard on him if we stay tat way.. after wk went to get him sum snack bar tat i always buy him when he go 4 long outfield.. but his fav onli left one box.. so bought other favour too.. gt bk hm, we had dinner b4 he set off to meet her up.. day ended like tat.. inside me i was feelin otherwise.. nt relieved instead me is worry tat tat freak will stir up prob n mk me suffer again as other will tink me is the one who doin all tat thing n me is tat freak etc.. i juz hate it.. tired...

totaly sux

was playin com nw wif frenz n their gf.. juz simply sian ba.. i dunno wat to say wat to do.. juz nw was like a idiot to walk ard frm cine to ck tang to orchard mrt station juz to help one to pay off fine.. i cant bear to see charge being imposed on him.. was able to find in time.. but dunno the one wil find out o nt.. but this early noon was like shit.. totaly.. lots of thing happened lots of hurting words out frm both mouth.. but wat is wrong wif us.. i dunno.. juz when i hv went thru all the trouble to prevent him frm charges.. wat i saw on frenzter juz simply sux... went to look at his profile.. he has deleted my testi.. wahoa.. wat a great stab into my heart n leave me bleedin.. i tink she did too much realy too much.. gt the urge to mgs n jzu pour everything out.. but i juz keep to myself.. n tat one can actually do so.. dunno hw to face each other ltr.. juz dunno.. gotta tink thru le ba... really felt like a idiot after doin so many.. dunno y.. juz sux ba... wat i shld do.. i dunno.. but guess it very clear.. coz there's a b*** btw.. so tell me wat i can do.. tel me dun go oversea etc.. to me nw is all nthing.. juz let it be.. let it be...

mking thing worse?

i dunno y. but i feel helpless. there's alot of thing i cant do i cant help. i can juz keep quiet n bleed inside.. crying out inside.. everything changes.. alot of thing tat belong to us is gone frm car to alot of other etc, n soon somemore other thing will b gone.. gone 4ever.. i dunno y one wld hv the heart to change o to delete o to switch thing tat once used to b so impt to him, tat meant alot to us.. i dunno y muz one push the other to this extend to get rid of every single memories of the other party o their memories.. coz i nv did.. i do nag abt it but i juz let it be coz i dun wish to b so bad to force one.. i wld let him keep it if he dun wish to delete but i wont force.. b4 we'r 2gether he's wif another ger.. he kept all the mgs frm her in his hp, he display out the gift she gave him inside his rm, he keep her pic inside his hp n rm. i nv say anything coz it's their memories.. i tink it's their past y muz i do thing til so extreme to ask him keep everything... i noe i wont feel gd when i see it but i wont say.. coz at least nw he is wif me.. this is hw i feel.. i dunno y other cant feel so.. it's their past n i hv no rite to interfere wif it.. this is hw me is feeling.. mayb i dun understand hw the other feel.. i shall juz keep it.. i juz sit there n keep quiet.. juz watch...

i dunno wat i shld do to free one's stress one's trouble one's feelin of being trapped.. im nt gd at it.. but it juz hurt me to see one like tat.. tryin hard to hold on but yet one noe it's impossible.. but i dunno y one wld still wanna do it.. mayb i shld set one free.. but i cant bear to.. it's the cant bear to feelin tat confusing me.. same feelin goes to the other.. fear of regret is lingerin in us.. it juz mk us fear.. fear of alot of thing.. but it lead to no outcome.. wat it lead to.. i tink it can be feel deep inside..

wat goin on..

frenz is askin me y i dun wish to write anymore in the blog.. i told them wat happened they all say it's my privacy my rite to write anything in my blog.. i noe but it juz gt us into more trouble.. i juz wanna say.. this is my blog n wat i wrote here is wat im goin thru.. but yet this onli place 4 me to spoke my feelin is bein restricted.. by who by wat i wont say.. i onli write my feelin..

to me nw.. im still confused.. se bu de is wat cant bear is wat.. i dunno.. to me there's alot of thing i cant bear to let go.. too many n it in turn mk me se bu de.. but wat's the other person se bu de mean? i dunno.. frenz gif me lots of diff tinkin.. gt gd n bad.. but wat's really on the other mind is wat it matters the most.. in the past i nv thought a guy wld cry 4 me coz i dun feel i hv the ability to mk one do so.. but somehw me is wrong.. coz of tt matter it prove me wrong.. the pain is unbearable when one cry 4 u.. it's like the pain wil b wif u 4ever.. to see e one cry.. women's tear is precious but i feel it has nthing to be compare to e one's tears.. say me naive say me silly.. but i juz cant tk tat pic off my mind... i noe it's gonna be wif me 4ever. i gt nthing to say.. totally... juz at my heart is bleedin non stop.. totally non stop...

dun wan o wan..

was tokin to frenz abt wat hapened in the morning.. they all juz shake the head n tel me to tink... i has been tinking n really disappointed... but there's something tat is trappin us ba.. i dunno wat n i dunno y.. wat's goin on btw us i wont say anymore.. dun wish to hv more trouble.. every little secret will be kept.. every little feelin of mine will b kept...

wan o dun wan...

super tired of ppl who can do so many thing at a go.. today was a busy day.. totaly.. n my feelin was kinda unstable due to some mgs i gt in the morning.. leavin me in confusion... wonder wat one is tinking.. hangin there is nv a gd feeling.. totaly... it juz so sianz... happily pull u bk o let u go when the mood was nt gd.. confusion is wat one is giving me.. if happy wif the life then get on n dun bother... but y juz cant... juz totaly cant...