long long blog..

these few day feel super dwn la.. coz thur nite i did a damn stupid thing..

the past few day mon tue wed is nthing much.. juz a normal wk n goin out 4 dinner.. small matter..

thurs went to meet up wif the mz wendy n co.. we goin 4 steamboat again~~!! tis time rd like wat she say in her blog, ben is nt ard.. but nvm la.. coz grace was there.. a new member?? lolz.. anyway.. the usual steamboat wif the same slogan 4 each of them.. n this time rd i tink mz wendy eat alot of lotus root lo.. lolz.. after the dinner we went to find ben so we can ask y he dun wanna go 4 the trip sia.. but after the nice ice cream frm haato by mz wendy effort he finally goin le~~!! yeah~~!! so happy la.. at least wont b mistake again as 3 couple goin le lo.. dun laugh when u all see tis sentence.. coz it's really nt 3 couple goin la.. ben mistaken le la.. lolz.. mz wendy n co shld noe wat i mean.. lolz.. and... the most impt thing is after the session at ben hse, i went to pick up my last box of stuff frm "him".

i noe super silly of me to go pick it up at tat time esp mid nite liao.. but i feel sooner o ltr i need to tk y nt i tk it nw since im off on fri.. i thought i cld b able to tk it be it mentally o so.. but guess it's kinda diff.. on the expressway to jurong was super long 4 me, me is tinkin deep n my heart is sinkin every sec.. juz get heavier.. n silly me dunno y mgs him ask if he cld walk me out to get a cab after i drop at his hse which actually me cld juz dun get off the cab n tkin the same cab in the return journey after he pass me the box.. but of coz i got a super disappointing ans.. wonder y i ask tat.. i tink mayb i feel tis is the last time i see him le, plus i wont go bk there anymore, i juz wanna mk it the last time 4 him to walk me out liks in past.. but it nv happened.. n i realise tat ger is at his hse tat's also y he cant do it.. anyway.. his sis acc him dwn wif goofy.. silly dog keep lookin at me so sad sia.. i feel damn pain la.. i din look at him at all, i was facin away frm him all the while he help me put the box into the cab.. im scared la.. scared tat i will tear rite in front of him.. n finally wave gd bye.. my last gd bye..

the tear alrdy cant b withhold.. it juz gush out like non stop lo.. the heart is juz so pain.. he called the next sec askin me hw le the journey. i was tryin to tok to him in a normal way try nt to let him noe tat me is cryin like mad. but it juz mk my voice sound so funny.. mayb he nv notice aso la.. n we end the call in a short while.. so i juz cry all my way hm.. the sad sad journey hm.. after gettin hm, another rd of sadness when i was tidyin up the stuff.. thing tat i let him use b4 is all return bk.. the ger juz dump everything tat belong to me n him bk to me.. include a diary.. i nv flip it thru coz i wasnt prepare yet o mayb i havent get myself over him.. guess everything has come to an end.. juz tat end tat i nv wanna see.. tis affected me alot.. fri i nv went sch coz mind in blank cant b normal.. i will need to tk awhile.. juz awhile more.. hw m i feelin nw i aso dunno..

guess it something like this.. i hv nv feel so heartpain 4 one person.. i hv nv feel so regret abt endin one relation wif one person.. i hv nv feel so desperate to want one person.. i hv nv feel lost without one person.. i hv nv feel empty without one person.. i hv nv feel so incomplete without one person.. i hv nv feel disappointmen without one person.. i hv nv feel all these weird feelin without one person.. and nw im feelin all these due to tat one person..

im super lost nw...